Matrescence: Motherhood Is an Ongoing Transformation

By Trina Grater

I’m Trina, a somatic perinatal mental health therapist in Southwest Utah, although I’m an Ohio native. I’m a mother of three young boys—at home I like to refer to myself as queen of the jungle. I see firsthand every day how far we have to go in understanding how common it is for folks to struggle after they become parents, and how our culture still makes it really hard for moms to get support when they need it.

Becoming a mother isn’t a single moment

Okay, okay… I remember seeing something a decade ago when I was a first-time mom that said, “When a baby is born, a mother is born.” I thought, that’s cheesy, and moved on pretty quickly. Yeah, I got it. In principle, it’s nothing new. But it didn’t do any justice to what I was experiencing since becoming a mom.

What I was experiencing was something ever-changing, with periods of intensity, times I completely lost myself, and heavy uncertainty around being able to make it through. There’s no end in sight, and things will never be the same again—cool, how did no one warn me about this?

As a working mom through all my pregnancies and returning to work postpartum, I’m still feeling the toll this took on my nervous system. It’s all THAT that takes my breath away more than the sheer moment in time of giving birth. That’s because, little did I know, becoming a mother is not a single moment. It’s actually an ongoing transformation. And that still almost sounds cheesy. Stay with me.

What is matrescence?

Matrescence describes the developmental transition into motherhood. It can begin with the family-planning journey—or with a SURPRISE—and continue unfolding as our lives and families change. Anthropologist Dana Raphael introduced the term in the 1970s, naming something that medicine and society have been slow to take seriously.

After becoming a mother, we are not the same. We may feel lost, but we are also being rebuilt.

Matrescence is often compared to adolescence (and if you’re wondering how to say it, the words sound similar). Both are times of big changes in our bodies, our relationships, our priorities, our mood, and even our sense of self. The changes are psychological, social, cultural, existential. We have a general understanding that teens are “becoming.” We could have a lot more understanding for ourselves and for other moms trying to find their way, too.

Research also shows that pregnancy can bring lasting changes to the brain. A 2017 study found structural changes that persisted for at least two years after pregnancy. A 2024 study following one woman before, during, and after pregnancy mapped widespread changes across this transition. These studies don’t capture every mother’s experience, but they remind us that the transition extends well beyond a six-week checkup.

With this view, motherhood is one of the most significant and vulnerable experiences a human goes through, and we’ve been treating it like a side guest to juggle as if it’s a hobby. Had I only anticipated that it would be okay if my dream job didn’t feel like that anymore, or understood how I would struggle with my partner, things would’ve made a lot more sense.

Instead, I trudged through, kept things to myself, and suffered. But motherhood isn’t the problem. It’s the lack of understanding in our culture of what we’re going through.

Why can understanding matrescence make motherhood easier?

Have you ever thought, “I hardly recognize myself anymore?” It’s easy to mistake that feeling for a personal failing. When we don’t have language for something, the default too often is, “Something is wrong with me.”

Understanding matrescence makes room for that feeling and invites you to let motherhood change you. There can be gifts here, too: magnetic energy, creativity, and new possibilities. That doesn’t mean you have to find a silver lining in every hard moment.

If new moms anticipated the idea of developing through motherhood as it unfolds, they’d be better prepared for what to expect in a realistic way than making a baby registry alone can offer. It encourages us to plan for postpartum, not only birth.

A framework can be freeing. It helps us make sense of our experiences. Most of us do motherhood without a map, with no idea where we are or where we’re headed.

Motherhood keeps remaking us

I wish someone had told me about the developmental phase of matrescence when I was having babies. It’s empowering to me now, with an 8-year-old, a 5-year-old, and a 1½-year-old.

Even a few years ago, I wrote copy for my website describing exactly this without having the word for it. It wasn’t until I got specialized training in perinatal mental health that I understood and ran with it. It’s similar to the feeling of finding The Mothership Collective and realizing other moms are also pumping in the wild. Sweet, I’m not alone.

Once I understood that motherhood is a developmental process, I could stop waiting for everything to go back to the way it was. That helps me navigate—and even embrace—all that comes with motherhood.

I sometimes grieve the loss of my old identity, and I still adore my children. All parts are still there. There’s a version for now, and a version I’ll meet in grandparenthood. Motherhood simply remakes you, forever.

How’s your matrescence going?

So, how has your matrescence gone? How’s your matrescence going recently?

If we asked fellow moms this, how much less lonely would our world feel? It’s an instant, “I see you. I get it.”

Understanding the transition—and getting support

To be clear, matrescence describes the transition into motherhood, which can sometimes be brutal. Perinatal mood and anxiety disorders are different: they are common, treatable mental health conditions that deserve care. Understanding matrescence should never mean dismissing distress as “just how motherhood feels.”

Naming the transition can make it easier to recognize when we need more support, too.

If you are struggling, visit Postpartum Support International for support, resources, and help finding a perinatal mental health provider in your area.

Further reading: A critical need for the concept of matrescence in perinatal psychiatry.