Becoming a Mama of Two

By Katie Gillikin

I knew bringing another baby into the family would be an adjustment for all of us, but I wasn’t prepared for how hard the transition would be on my toddler. Living through a natural disaster while pregnant, then moving straight into the newborn/postpartum phase, was an emotional ride of highs and lows for our whole family. I definitely underestimated how much it would impact our two-year-old.

Pregnancy During Hurricane Helene

Leading up to my birth was stressful. We were dealing with the aftermath of Hurricane Helene in Asheville—no power or internet for a week and a half, no daycare for a month, no running water throughout the city, and deep community grief. There was the constant sound of helicopters and generators, and downed trees everywhere. A tree even fell on our house (miraculously no damage), and our home caught fire when the power came back on. Luckily, we were able to put it out right away, but the whole experience was intense.

At 28 weeks pregnant, I was trying to finish the nursery and prepare for another baby while in full survival mode. I share all of this because I know it played a role—I was not thriving.

The First Couple of Months

Asheville’s water was restored the day I went into labor, so I was fortunate that the hospital had running water for my birth after more than two months without it. After our hospital stay, we had a sweet reunion with our oldest daughter, Averie, and jumped right back into the newborn chaos.

At first, Averie seemed interested in baby Carmen, but that quickly shifted to indifference. I had a c-section and was nursing around the clock, so my husband took on toddler duty. Averie is such a Daddy’s girl that I wasn’t too worried at first. Still, it was hard not being able to pick her up or spend as much time with her, even though I was so focused on our preemie baby (and triple feeding 😵💫).

Eventually, I noticed Averie was triggered by the baby crying or the monitor light turning on. She seemed angry with me and wouldn’t look at me if I was holding the baby. She acted out—drawing on the furniture and pretending to be hurt for attention. One night, she refused to let me give her a bath, clung to my husband, and yelled, “Mama Carmen! Mama Carmen!” I tried to hold her while we both sobbed, but she kept pulling away. That moment broke my heart and made me realize she wasn’t okay.

Recognizing the Struggle and Moving Forward

Once we recognized what was happening, my husband and I started dividing our time more intentionally. I made space for one-on-one time with Averie—taking her on errands, playing outside between nursing sessions, and later alternating bedtimes with Geoff. Slowly, I regained her trust. She began to feel more comfortable with Carmen’s presence.

A couple of things helped:

• Books – My little sister gave us Big Sisters Are the Best by Fran Manushkin. Not only did Averie enjoy it, but I could sense her starting to understand. It was amazing to watch things begin to click.
• Games of Four – We loved drawing groups of four (like four hearts in chalk) or pointing out families of four animals in books, naming each one as Daddy, Mama, Avie, and Carmen. I think it helped her picture us as a family unit. Plus, it turned into a fun game—we started spotting groups of four everywhere.

It honestly took about six months before things felt smoother. Carmen is 10 months old now, and watching them play together makes my heart burst. These days, I often find them giggling over toys, and their sisterhood is blossoming in the sweetest ways. One day, when I picked Averie up from daycare with Carmen, she proudly told her friends, “This is my baby!”

Reflections

If I could do it over, I would have tried to prepare Averie a bit more. Even if she didn’t fully understand, at least she might have had some sense that my time and attention would be split. I remind myself to extend grace—after all, we were navigating an extreme situation, and having a newborn is overwhelming on its own.

The biggest lesson? Some things simply take time. But I can tell you from experience… it’s so worth it.