The Stay-at-Home Mom Chapter That I Learned to Love

By Amy Marion

Last May, we welcomed baby #2 into our lives. Although only two-ish years had passed since our first was born, life looked different. We now lived in a neighborhood bursting with supportive friends and their similarly aged kids. I entered postpartum with more confidence and less anxiety than the first time around. I didn’t experience the disorienting whiplash of identity shift from independent person to “Momma” that had previously rocked my world. Instead, I underwent a more subtle transformation: from “Working Mom” to “Stay-at-Home Mom” (SAHM).

Returning to Work After My First Baby

After my first baby, I went back to work at 3 months postpartum. I was raw, still healing from a perineal tear, still fighting through a barrage of breastfeeding and pumping challenges that I was too stubborn to give up on. It was spring, and I felt like I was in the depths of winter.

I held a leadership role and ended every day feeling like I was doing a poor job at both work and mothering. We waited 14 months for a daycare spot while my in-laws generously covered part-time childcare. Then came the endless daycare illnesses, snow days, teacher workdays, and extended holiday breaks. My husband’s PT schedule is typically booked out weeks in advance, so the bulk of the time off fell to me and my “flexible” job. My coworkers were understanding, but I felt guilty and unreliable.

Deciding to Leave Work After Baby Number Two

Fast forward to fall 2024. I found out I was pregnant the weekend before a hurricane crushed our mountain community in Asheville. Our daycare closed for five weeks while the city’s water system was rebuilt. One morning, I lay on the wood floor, nauseous and exhausted, trying to entertain an 18-month-old while on a work call. I decided two full-time jobs without reliable childcare for two kids would be unsustainable for our family. So, I started making plans to step out of the job I’d held for almost eight years.

I want to acknowledge the real privilege in that decision: the financial flexibility, a partner whose job provided health insurance, and the ability to budget our way through it. My plan was nine months at home and then working part-time until the kids were out of daycare. Spoiler: I am writing this 12 months out, without a new job prospect in sight.

Finding Structure as a Stay-at-Home Mom

I was raised on tales of finding a job that lets you follow your passions. My role model is my dad, who founded Leave No Trace and spent his entire career studying visitor impact in the wilderness. My own passions have always been food systems, research, and evaluation. SAHM life is not for everyone, and I didn’t know if it would be for me. Sure enough, a couple of months postpartum, I started getting the itch. So I did what any former research director would do: I built out my new SAHM job into spreadsheets with calendars, blocks of time for admin and professional development, rotating task lists, and a comprehensive recipe database! This project management approach helped me reclaim the “professionalism” of my new role.

Most importantly, I fought the internalized shame associated with the idea that housework, and thus me as a homemaker, didn’t have “value.” Society measures worth through paychecks and titles, not the quiet, essential labor that actually holds everything together and raises considerate humans. I knew that intellectually. Believing it was harder. Finally, I thought about the incredible relationship I have with my other role model: my mom, who held the job of SAHM for over a decade. And then I gave myself permission to fall in love with my new job.

The Hard and Beautiful Parts of Stay-at-Home Motherhood

Stay-at-home momming is a thankless job. I am always “on,” and the work is never really done. Cleaning the kitchen 21 times a week does not give me the same sense of accomplishment I got from publishing a report or facilitating a retreat. Without grandparent support, I would almost never have a moment to myself. Who else here has pooped with two kids and a dog in the bathroom with them?

But I have more breathing room. I’m not going to bed stressed over grant deadlines and HR nightmares, or wondering what will happen to my job if my kid is out of daycare for a month while the building unexpectedly undergoes lead remediation. True story. I get to watch my babies grow and learn every day in a way I didn’t have space for before. And as a homebody, I genuinely love tending to my physical space, planting my literal garden, and feeding my family week after week.

The extra time has also let me lean into something I only dipped my toes into with my firstborn: the outdoors. Postpartum anxiety and a 9-to-5 kept me fairly well tied to the house, with its blackout curtains and perfect nap schedules. Now, I block two hours on weekday afternoons for adventures with my kids, out of the house whenever possible.

Getting Outside with Kids in Small Ways

Let's be honest, there are times I am counting literally every minute, waiting for my husband to rescue me and my nervous system from the tantrums and chaos of two young children. But usually, we get outside. Often it’s small adventures, especially as I’ve been rehabbing SI joint pain that’s plagued me since week 15 of pregnancy. We meet friends in the park. Walk the dog with the double stroller. Ride bikes up and down the street. Garden, attempting to keep the baby fistfuls of dirt consumed to a minimum.

When my body is up for it, we expand our radius. Our neighborhood backs up to national forest land, so it’s easy to duck into the woods for a hike or a creek splash. It is a treat to share my love of the outdoors with my littles. And it feels powerful to take them on solo adventures confidently, without waiting for schedules to align with my husband or friends.

Life After Leaving Work: Still Figuring It Out

There’s real mystery shrouding when I’ll go back to work. I’ve been sitting with rejection, the discomfort of a growing resume gap, rusting professional skills, and the occasional panic that I might never get hired by anyone ever again. My "nerdy" routines help quiet that noise, serving as a daily reminder that my brain is still online, even if my current deliverables are mostly laundry and diapers.

But for now, I’m enjoying this season of relative freedom in working for myself and the two tiny dictators who rule my every waking, and often sleeping, moment. I’m looking forward to the summer ahead of us and the memories I’ll make of our adventures in these fleeting early years. More than anything, I’m eager to watch my kids’ relationship to the outdoors grow, and to nurture my confidence in myself as their leader!

A Few Thoughts I’m Sitting With

• The uneasiness that "just" being home isn't "enough" is a cultural story, not your story. Name it, and push back.
• Your identity and passions don’t disappear when you step away from work. Find a system, ritual, or routine that makes you feel like yourself and protect it.
• Going outside changes something in our brains. It counts even when it's small.
• You're not falling behind, you're in a different chapter. Give yourself permission to fall in love with a season you didn't plan for. You may come out the other side with more clarity about who you are and what you want.