Reigniting Your Own Flame: Redefining Yourself Postpartum

By Ellen LeBleu

People talk about postpartum like it’s this neat and pretty little 6 week window of time. But it actually spans years after delivery (heck, you could even argue that the rest of your LIFE is forever considered postpartum). It’s this beautiful, but sometimes painful, period of growth where it’s not just taking on a new role or growing our family…we’re going through a life-altering metamorphosis. 

Why “Bouncing Back” After Pregnancy Isn’t the Goal

The things we used to do, the things we used to enjoy, and the things we used to value…all get flipped upside down. Sometimes there is a grieving period for a life lost or a life changed. There is beauty in slowing down, but at some point, there is this desire to start back up again. But I say the word “back” lightly. What I really mean is, to start anew. We keep talking about this idea of ‘bouncing back’ or getting back to who we used to be, or how things used to be. But the truth is, there’s no such thing. There’s no going back, there’s only moving forward. 

As a mother myself, I have experienced this shift not once, but twice. My first daughter was born in 2022. My pregnancy was fairly smooth sailing, but came to a screeching halt when I found out she was breech at the 11th hour (and had to have a c-section). I found myself going from fairly active (as much as one can be at 8- or 9-months pregnant), to recovering from major abdominal surgery on unbelievably little sleep. Fast forward two years and I’m doing that all over again because a VBAC just wasn’t in the cards for me. 

Reclaiming My Identity After Motherhood

But once I had recovered from the long newborn days (and nights), and the pain of not being able to get out of bed unassisted, I found myself longing for more. I am an active person. I love to hike, bike, camp, travel, and visit new places. So the slowing-down season, while beautiful, left me wanting to explore again. Wanting to find my place in the world, and how I could bring my kids into MY life, and not the other way around. But that doesn’t mean life will look the same as it used to. It won’t. It just meant that I wanted to be able to continue doing the things I loved and showing my kids how to love them too. And sometimes that meant doing things without them, so that I could feel like myself again. To have a little piece for me. So that I felt reignited and alive; to bring that energy home to them was worth more than anything, to me.

How I Started Getting Back Outside With My Kids

So I started small. I took the girls on short hikes while I was on maternity leave (with Charli, just the two of us and a random moose(!); with Ava, to take the whole family on the hunt for the perfect Christmas tree). It meant doing things that were a little bit scary or uncomfortable: initially, longer drives with the babies; then it was going camping without my husband (but WITH an entire tribe of mamas and their babies). It was learning what to pack for an all-day adventure or how to camp with a toddler. And SOMEtimes it was going hiking without any of the kids at all. To put in the miles, to add the elevation gain, without having to worry about any bottles or diapers. Or the quiet moments of showing up for myself and my family: batch-cooking burritos so we’re nourished on our busy days; making it to the gym 4d/wk and showing my girls what a sweaty (red) face looks like. 

Each of these experiences means something different to me, but they all challenged me in the best way. The comforting routine of taking care of myself daily. How alive it feels to know that we’ve gone backpacking with two under two-and-a-half, and breastfeeding while hiking. Not because I have to, but because I can. 

So often, we fall into the role of caregiver, where we give and give and give and then never do any of the giving to ourselves. Maybe it’s not hiking for you. Maybe you love your Peloton but you can never find 5 minutes alone, let alone a whole 45-min workout. But what if you could? What if you could spend an hour at the coffee shop with just your girlfriend? What if you could go volunteer and meet a new friend?

Finding those little things that make us feel alive and bring energy to us, are filled with endless value. Instead of making moms feel guilty for taking time away from their babies, their families…what if we celebrated them for reigniting their own flames? For living more moments that make us say, “I can’t believe I did that” and less of the, “I wish I had done that.” I hope to continue fanning these sparks of motherhood where we build each other up, encourage and celebrate each other. For the badass women that we are!! 

A few ideas to help you reignite YOUR flame:

• Sit down and brainstorm, what do you LOVE to do, or what’s something you might want to start trying?! 
  • Try journaling or quiet, self-reflection
• Find something small JUST for you, each day (meditating, stretching, walking outside)
• Find something bigger that’s just for you, each week (an activity, a moment, a hobby)
• Make a list of a few things that would make you say “I can’t believe I did that” 
• Talk to your partner/support system to help make this happen and alleviate guilt or emotions around taking time alone
• Reach out to me, I’d love to chat! This is what I love to do, helping other mamas feel alive again. :) [ellen@renewalwellnesscoaching.com]
  

Ellen LeBleu is a Registered Nurse and Board Certified Nurse Coach. She helps moms like you to reignite your own flames, to find the joy in showing up for yourself, and reclaiming your identity as a mom and a woman. She just relocated from Denver, CO to McKinney, TX with her husband, two little girls, and goldendoodle. It lights her up JUST as much as it lights you up, to help moms rediscover themselves in this beautiful season of motherhood.